A femme point of view

Greetings, transit anecdote enthusiasts. Since Phillip worked from home today, but I, his wife, did make the commute I thought it fitting to spice it up for you. I haven't commuted into the city on consecutive days since the summer of '07, but as of Monday, I'm making the hop four days a week. Here are some of my thoughts.

• Say you are on a relatively crowded train. You are sharing a "booth" with three passengers. One of the passengers takes her leave, leaving a side each to you and your fellow passenger. So, you breathe a little deeper, stretch your legs a little more. Which of the following would you then do?

a) move your things into the free seat next to you
b) stare inappropriately at the young lady across from you
c) rub your tongue over your teeth with your mouth open, making a sucking sound

For a sanity check, option a is perfectly acceptable and I have often taken that step myself. The other options, however, should not be exercised, a fact which the middle-aged man across from me clearly did not understand. It was the teeth sucking that really got to me.

• For those of you who do not partake in public transport on a regular basis, there is an art to maneuvering through a busy transit station. The choreography which keeps the feet a moving and traffic flowing relies on a general agreement of everyone involved to travel at a steady pace, with your eyes directly ahead. This alerts the other pedestrians as to your route, allowing for checks and reactions to avoid collisions. I would just like to state some basic rules that everyone should follow. I'm not asking for much, people.

1) do not read Twilight books while you are walking on a crowded subway platform. You know what, if you're a middle-aged woman, you should not be reading that in public anyway.
2) NEVER stop abruptly in the middle of traffic and turn around. This is ESPECIALLY true if you have luggage, which will be sent a swinging as you aim your moonface expression in the opposite direction.
3) You do not look cooler if you walk with a fake gimp, in the manner of, say, huggie bear. You just look ridiculous.
4) Pick your damn wheely luggage up so that you aren't dragging it behind you and taking people's shins out. My shins are especially offended when, thinking I've found an open spot to careen myself into, they are met with the harsh, off-putting obstacle of a rolling suitcase.
5) Just a general rule for the subway. Always yield to ladies in heels. They need the seat more than you if you're wearing anything but a pair of heels.

I think Phillip would especially agree with that last point. I know he has problems with his stilettos as well. I'm not as funny, but maybe I get points for irascibility?

Yours, eggette