Yesterday, on a morning that was dark and foggy - yet remarkably dry - there stood a woman on the platform of the train station holding a large, yellow umbrella. Holding it above her head, she took up a good three square feet of prime real estate - including the spot on the platform where I typically like to stand. What was most peculiar about this all, though, was that it was not raining. It had not rained for some time, in fact, and still she stood, isolated in her imaginary downpour. I stood next to her and stared for a while, my hands empty and yet still managing to stay dry. After a few minutes, she realized that her umbrella was entirely gratuitous and put it down.
I thought her ability to irritate me had passed, but after two solid minutes of fidgeting to tie up her umbrella, she popped a piece of chewing gum - mint I believe - into her mouth and chewed that stuff like a cow chowing on grass. There are few things that annoy me more than someone chewing with their mouth open, and this woman managed to make every other lip smacker I've ever met sound like a congregation of librarians. I swear I could hear her over the train as it barreled up the tracks. And this was with my headphones in. Maybe I should have gone to more concerts growing up. My hearing wouldn't be so sensitive, and I'd have more ticket stubs for my scrapbook.*
*There is no scrapbook.
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